Yesterday, we talked about loving like our dog, Princess Mimi, but now I want to take it a step further. Once we have really learned to love and accept ourselves, it is time to go through a process of forgiveness. For some of us, this is part of truly learning to love and accept ourselves.
Unforgiveness makes up feel like the picture above. We have a big, red unhappy face that turns people away from us. Through unforgiveness, we hurt and that means we have scars that won’t heal. It can lead to depression and physical pain and suffering.
All of a sudden, as I sit here typing away, I thought about a conversation that my husband, Brenton, and I had on Saturday. He hired me to coach him this year, although I was coaching him anyway and have for several years.
He was asking me some questions about emotions and why he feels certain ways. At that moment, I stopped him and said, “Because you are expecting others to validate you. The truth is only you can give you the validation you need. That was a lot of “yous”, right? This could not be farther from the truth, though.
I am a walking example of someone who desperately needed other’s approval. Instead of just patting myself on the back, I looked outside myself and felt miserable when people didn’t give me what I thought I needed. Once I learned to validate myself, I began to live a happier, more fulfilled life.
Now, I know that it seems I have moved away from the subject of forgiveness but, the truth is, forgiveness is the key to feeling validated. Validation is the key to forgiveness.
Right now, I can see you with crazy eyes thinking what did she just say? Let me explain. If you validate yourself and don’t need someone to validate you, then you can let go of a lot of offenses. On the other hand, if you forgive someone, you don’t need them to validate you anymore.
You are now free to live your life no matter what anyone says to you. Can people’s rude behavior be annoying? OH, YES! Believe me, I get annoyed but I don’t need their approval or validation so what they say or do to me rolls off my back.
Now, breath in deeply and blow it out. Go back and read the blog from the beginning again. I’m telling you that you don’t need to hold anything against anybody. Your free to love and live without compromising who you are. If you have someone who enjoys hurting people in your life, let them go. Move on. It is okay to tell someone, you are too toxic for me right now. Maybe that will help them get their own life together.
Challenge: You need to go somewhere quiet and close your eyes. Say to yourself, who has hurt me or offended me. You may need to do this several times. Names will come to you and, a lot of times, they will come quickly. Have a piece of paper and a pencil. Write those names that come to mind. Once you have the list complete (or as complete as you can for that session) Go through the list and say and forgive the people who hurt you.
The following two statements are examples of what to say. You may have to say this every day for a while but, believe me, it is so freeing. One of the statements is for someone that you know that they know they hurt you. The other one is for someone who may not know what they did to you.
I forgive you, __________________________, for hurting me by ______________________________________________________________. I know that you probably didn’t mean to hurt me and I accept responsibility for interpreting what you said/ did as wrong.
I forgive you, __________________________, for hurting me by _________________________________________________________________. I don’t know why you purposely hurt me but I understand that I don’t need to hold anything against you anymore. I am free from any hurt that has plagued me since that time.
Wow, it can be such a powerful experience. The freedom you gain by forgiving others is awesome! Please comment below how it affected you. You don’t need to tell us who or for what you were forgiving but please tell us if this helped you and the freedom you feel right now.
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