Depression Day 1

“Drag your thoughts ways from troubles… by the ears, buy the heals, or any other way you can manage it.”

Mark Twain

This blog is not written by a counselor.  It is written by someone who has suffered the effects of depression.  There was a time in my life that it was a treat to have a depression free day.  My life was a whirl wind of emotion, and I could never see anything better.  Every thought was depressive, and every word that came out of my mouth was depressive.

                This life of depression was taking its toll on my relationships and my health.  Every day, I suffered with a migraine and muscle pain.  No one knew how to help me, and I didn’t know how to help myself.  Many of my friends thought I was just becoming anti-social, so they withdrew from me. 

                Yes, there were good days, but they were seldom.  Even my daughter, Snow, suffered, because I wasn’t always present.  There were times where my mom, Shirley, and Aunt Ellen had to take Snow for me.  This caused even more pain, because I felt guilt and shame at not taking care of Snow.

               There is good news, though.  In the last twenty years, my depression has decreased significantly.  It did not happen overnight, because depression is multifaceted.  Brenton likes to use the illustration of an onion.  Once I started dealing with the emotions that were on the top layer, I always found a second layer.  The bottom layers are emotions that are buried due to the pain it causes.

               One by one, I have dealt with these painful emotions.  Even now, after all this time, I still find emotions that I need to face.  Now, I am getting to the primary emotions that are the most painful.  This is how I see emotional healing: first, I deal with the less painful emotions and then they don’t bother me.  Next, I deal with slightly more painful emotions and soon enough they don’t bother me.  This goes on and on until I finally deal with the most painful emotions.  Each time I learn to deal with an emotion, I have learned enough to go on to the slightly more painful emotions.

                Sometimes, I want to jump right in and deal with the primary source of my depression, but, I am not ready to deal with the pain.  This primary pain is too overwhelming and could cause my depression to worsen.  Plus, I have reached a level of my emotions that I thought was the primary source, but, after dealing with the depression, I realized that there were many more levels underneath. 

                During this process, I thought there was no end.  This is not true, because I have finally reached a place where I see the end in sight.  It takes time, but, eventually, I began to feel like there was nothing I couldn’t handle.  Now, I realize that God has given me everything I need to conquer depression.  It was my decision whether I received the healing or not.

“Lord, make me an instrument of your place; where there is your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, hope; where there is darkness, light, and where there is sadness, joy.”

St. Francis of Assisi

Challenge: Begin to look at the reason for your depression. What do you feel sad about? When you are depressed, what do you say to yourself? Answer these questions to really pinpoint what is making you feel depressed.

This week we will have several days on the topic of depression. We will talk about what I use to relieve the depression. This is a sensitive topic and, if at any time you feel suicidal, please call a professional or a hotline for help.

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2 Replies to “Depression Day 1”

  1. This is an amazing blog of how to conquer depression. It is something I struggle with from day to day. I rely on God to help me work through each layer. Thanks for sharing part of your story.

    Liked by 1 person

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